{"id":837,"date":"2013-06-04T10:50:35","date_gmt":"2013-06-04T14:50:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/posturemag.com\/?p=837"},"modified":"2013-06-26T16:34:04","modified_gmt":"2013-06-26T20:34:04","slug":"5-things-they-dont-tell-newlyweds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/posturemag.com\/online\/5-things-they-dont-tell-newlyweds\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Things They Don’t Tell Newlyweds"},"content":{"rendered":"

5 Things They Don\u2019t Tell Newlyweds<\/em> | Brian Masefield<\/p>\n

\"Brian<\/a>
Brian Masefield<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I got married last year to my partner of over a decade. Since I\u2019m barely eight months into our newlywed bliss, you might think I\u2019m not the best person to be writing about married life. You might also think, that since my partner and I had already been together forever, that marriage wouldn\u2019t really change anything. That\u2019s what I thought too. So, I proudly present the below information as a warm-up for those gays and gals who are getting ready to make it official.<\/p>\n

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Your Marriage Will Mean a Lot to a Lot of People<\/strong>
\nAs soon as we emerged from Brooklyn\u2019s City Clerk\u2019s Office as Mr. & Mr, total strangers came up to us and said things like, \u201cCongratulations,\u201d \u201cWhat a gorgeous couple,\u201d and \u201cWanna buy a flower for a dollah?\u201d The attention and well wishes were all very genuine, even from the somewhat-scary guy selling roses for a buck. I may\u2019ve gotten misty.
\nYes, one of the most shocking parts of post-marriage life is the response I get from people when they find out. I\u2019ve received some of the sweetest compliments in my life this past year. Friends, acquaintances, and yes, strangers responded positively to the news of our nuptials. Some cried with joy. Some screamed in surprise. Some gave us appliances. (We basically eloped, so we didn\u2019t register anywhere.) And, I\u2019m talking about real-live, in-your-face tidings of joy, not greeting cards. But yes, we got cards too, and our eventual public announcement got over 200 \u201clikes\u201d on Facebook, so that\u2019s \u2026 something.
\n\u201cWe were so psyched to hear the news,\u201d my friend Suzanne said, near-sobbing over our beers. \u201cIt\u2019s so great you did it, and \u2026\u201d She went on to say some truly endearing things that I only sort of remember, but the point is that even now, months later, people still congratulate us. They still have \u2018toasts to the newlyweds.\u2019
\nIt can be a bit overwhelming at times to dial-up the thrill of your months-old wedding day for ecstatic friends you haven\u2019t seen in a while. But suck it up, smile, be thankful, and enjoy it while it lasts.<\/p>\n

It Makes You Want to Cook (Or Learn How To)<\/strong>
\nEver since we\u2019ve been together, my husband has been the cook of the relationship. He\u2019s so good at it, and he loves doing it. He\u2019ll make a two-course meal on a Tuesday. That\u2019s the kind of guy he is. But, after we got married, I felt a strange sensation whenever I would see him cooking away in the kitchen. A ping. This ping of domesticity. I\u2019m a husband now, I thought. My pop-culture focused mind has it loaded with family sitcoms like The Brady Bunch, with some lovely ladies running the culinary productions. But, two guys? Who does what? And, is it okay for one to do all of the cooking?
\nThe funny thing is, this never bothered me before we were married. I would do all the post-dinner clean-up and dishes, so I thought it was a decent trade \u2013 though, admittedly, I always knew I had the better part of the deal. The marriage suddenly made me reconsider that I may need to pitch in a bit more than I had been, cooking-wise. Of course, the challenge was, I didn\u2019t how to cook.
\nI was expressing this culinary inadequacy to my friend Jules, who said, \u201cWhy not just sign up for a cooking class at Brooklyn Kitchen?\u201d Why not, indeed! I signed-up for a \u201c20-Minute Meal\u201d class, showed up, and did my best to avoid accidentally setting a classmate on fire.
\nI then brought my cooking skillz home, and made a scrumptious beef tenderloin and roasted pears that I learned how to make in class. My husband devoured it. Even I was impressed. It really does take some effort though, so take your time and don\u2019t beat yourself up.
\nIf you\u2019re attempting to start cooking, I found that Rachael Ray\u2019s YouTube recipes are fast, fun and hearty \u2013 and you can hit replay as many times as you like, which helps.<\/p>\n

Arguments Aren\u2019t Just Arguments Anymore<\/strong>
\nOnly hours after we got married, ate brunch, and made all required phone calls announcing our wedding bliss to family and friends, something interesting happened. We got into a fight. Well, not a fight, really. A disagreement.
\nFine, an argument. Here\u2019s what happened. We decided to wear bowties to our wedding-night dinner, just to be cute. (Stop gagging.) The ties weren\u2019t identical, but had a matching color-way of blue and yellow, and were reversible. It was a simple plan. At the last minute, I decided to go with a different bowtie. I just felt that the yellow\/blue pattern made me look too much like \u201cCountry Mouse\u201d in the big city. I looked oddly cornpone.
\nMy brand-new husband was simply flummoxed. Sure, I\u2019d switched ties, but it\u2019s not the end of the world. But it did seem to matter a bit more to him than I had considered. Or rather, I hadn\u2019t even considered his feelings at all. It was my tie. My neck. My body, my choice, as it were. But then I felt really bad about what I\u2019d done. My last minute necktie change had upset my fresh-off-the-market husband. I ended up wearing the original tie, Country Mouse be damned. It occurred to me during this discussion that \u2018breaking up\u2019 would now be a thing of the past. Any notions that fights would lead to a break-up were gone. All future fights would now only lead to divorce. DIVORCE. It\u2019s crazy to think about. Very final. Very serious. Very legal.
\nAs the days continue in our marriage, I\u2019ve realized that there is not a whole lot of reasons to actually divorce someone, but you really should have a million reasons to marry someone.<\/p>\n

It Takes Two to Do \u2026 Everything<\/strong>
\nMy husband and I, even before we got married, were into \u2018marathoning.\u2019 Marathoning is the act of watching an entire season of a television series in a handful of days. We watched the first four seasons of Mad Men in about a month, for instance. However, we\u2019ve always been okay with one another watching other DVR\u2019ed fare on our own. We wouldn\u2019t want to be one of those couples who have to do everything together, I would say to myself.
\nAfter we got married though, something changed. This little pang (versus the aforementioned ping) of guilt would occur when I found myself pressing play on an episode of RuPaul\u2019s Drag Race. If just felt wrong watching things without him. What is this pang? Where was this pang during the first decade of our relationship together? Who knows, but I can tell you that when you get legally hitched, these pings and pangs really start flowing.
\nEven as I type that, I know it may sound obsessive. I don\u2019t even know if this is to be considered normal, but it doesn\u2019t make it any less true. Brace yourself for the ping and pang party.<\/p>\n

The Word \u2018Husband\u2019 Says It All<\/strong>
\nSo long, partner, boyfriend, and \u2018significant other.\u2019 It\u2019s a marriage now. I think the most real moments of my new marriage have been the introductions and conversations that involve my husband. I find that when I say the word husband in conversation, I look down or, weirdly, I widen my eyes, as if I still can\u2019t believe that I\u2019m married in the first place. Maybe I\u2019m not sure of how the person I\u2019m speaking to will react to the word choice, particularly if he\/she is not a gay marriage supporter (you just never know). Maybe a part of me can\u2019t believe gay marriage is a historic New York City reality. Or, maybe I\u2019m still getting used to it, and should calm the eff down.
\nFor some reason, when I do say the word husband, I struggle with not making the word trail on too long, like the amazing Yolanda Foster does on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. \u201cMy huzzbahhnd has a car waiting for me when our jet lands,\u201d she\u2019d say as she gathers her things at the conclusion of a catty ladies\u2019 dinner. She makes the word husband sound wildly romantic and extravagant. And, maybe it is. Ultimately, my partner and I didn\u2019t really have to get married. We wanted to get married. So, when I say the word aloud, I\u2019m honoring that choice, and most importantly, my husband. But, for sure, the word absolutely takes some getting used to.<\/p>\n

All of these realizations, pings, and pangs, may only be my experience, but I do wonder if it happens to some degree for all newlyweds. There\u2019s certainly a lot of mental stuff that goes along with tying the knot. And all of this \u2018stuff\u2019 is worth it, if the other person is. I\u2019m happy to say mine is.<\/p>\n

Follow Brian on Twitter: @brianmasefield<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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