Author | Leah Bernstein
I always say that my life changed in an instant. Actually, there were three or four instant moments. In an instant, all that I perceived took a seismic shift. Of this, I am sure.
The instant my first child, David, was born on July 27, 1985, I was no longer myself. I was someone’s mother, and I felt a connection to my own mother unlike I had ever felt before. Wow, that’s how it feels to love a child, to worry about your child. I had no idea. Nada. Zero. Goose egg.
Mollie followed a few years later and was born on February 17, 1989. I had a boy and a girl! I thought that was the jackpot. Although I secretly worried and hoped she wouldn’t ripen running around in a pink princess dress. Her first few minutes in this new outside world, I held a baby girl and made a mental comparison. Taken by how much softer she felt in my arms, I just stared in wonderment. Recalling my first-born moment, she was a feminine version of David. Rosebud lips against alabaster skin, long black eyelashes almost touched her cheeks; she rested comfortably in my arms. My mother took Mollie into her arms and said, “We’re all sisters under the skin.”
Just for the record, this was not the voice of the mother that raised me. At least it didn’t sound like her. Our relationship was strained during and by my adolescent antics. The characteristic of our bond persisted throughout my life as a young adult, so in an instant, that changed, too.
Mollie came home one weekend. We sat shoulder to shoulder at my kitchen counter when she told me she was gay. Or queer. But not lesbian. It took me completely by surprise, and in an instant life changed.
Mollie came out to her brother, before coming out to her father or me. I’ve heard that David’s response was something like this…”Y’know , my friends and I thought that if you were a gay girl you’d be the best gay girl ever. So, which one of your girlfriends is your girlfriend?” They hugged. In an instant, I knew I had raised my kids well.
Approaching age 60, a whole new world has appeared before my eyes. Thank you, Mollie and David for your patience explaining queer/trans/lesbian/gay/bi/MtoF/FtoM/whatever to me. You have made me a better educated person, though it has not always been in an instant.
We are all sisters under the skin. Even you, David.
All my love,
Mom
