Saga Becker is a swedish transgender actress and laureate of the Guldbaggen award 2015 for her performance in the leading role in the film Something Must Break. We met for the first time a year ago when I interviewed her for my blog and kept in touch online. Meanwhile she became the first trans* person to win a national film prize and a very visible trans* advocate and public figure. We met again in Prague for this year’s Pride, we hung out, talked about life, love and future, styled couple of outfits and shot these pictures.
NO APOLOGIES
“I often say that I can’t be a spokesperson for transgender people because we are all so different. We need more voices, we complement each other.”
Where did you grow up?
I grew up in the woods outside the small town named Ronneby in the south of Sweden. The woods and the nature were the playground for me and my two younger brothers.
Do you go there often now?
No, I don’t go there that often, my mother and my brother still live there. I miss the nature, the silence and the smell of wood. The woods and the nature became back then my hideaway, a safe place where I could dream of becoming the woman I was on the inside. The safe place where I had the control over my own life.
Our house was close to a lake, and I remember just sitting there in the sunset watching the treetops, just me, my thoughts, my dreams and the red/pink/purple sky. That place in the woods by the lake was also the only place where I could be weak, cry, scream and let the pain out.
How old where you then?
I think it started when I was around 10-11.
Did you talk to someone about your feelings?
I didn’t tell anyone, I was afraid to be left alone.
When did you realise what was happening? I mean it must had been way later till you could name what was going on. Did you have words to describe what you were feeling?
No I didn’t have words for it, what I felt or what I was, society has its hard cis-norms and was telling me that I could’t think that way. I was 19 when I came out as transgender, but I have known since I was 10.
And when you were a kid did you try to express the way you wanted to be? Did you have the chance?
I was very androgynous kid and teenager. I would wear tight clothes and make up. But never the whole way as I wanted to. I’m not the dress kind of girl, I’m more the street-smart kind of girl, you know.
Yeah, I know 🙂 Did you have a group of queer friends or some social safe space when you were growing up?
I had some queer friends online, but when I moved out of my hometown I made some new friends.
What do you think had formed you in that age? What music did you listen to? Which films did you like?
Music helped me a lot, I was listening to bands like The Knife, VNV Nations, Crüxshadows…
Fucking åmål (Show Me Love) was a movie I loved. I was also listening to Björk, Peaches…
Did you ever think you would be in a movie? Back then?
No, I had never thought of it.
Did you have a group of queer friends or some social safe space when you were growing up?
I had some queer friends online, but when I moved out of my hometown I made some new friends.
What do you think had formed you in that age? What music did you listen to? Which films did you like?
Music helped me a lot, I was listening to bands like The Knife, VNV Nations, Crüxshadows…
Fucking åmål (Show Me Love) was a movie I loved. I was also listening to Björk, Peaches…
Do you remember your first love?
It’s a hard question. The first time I was in love for real was some time after I came out as transgender. I met my ex boyfriend and he is the first person I loved. It was the first real mutual love. There is something special about that first real love. We were together for 5 years and I still love him. He was the first one to ever love Saga, he saved my life and showed me that I was not broken.
I know what that feels like. And it is always complicated with the first true love but you will have the bound forever.
Yeah it is. He is the only person who knows everything about me.
It’s good to keep people like that close.
Yeah it is, but it’s hard as well.
When did you move out of Ronneby?
I moved when i was 18-19, I moved to Malmö Sweden’s third largest city.
For school?
Yeah, for school, but I guess I just wanted to get away from my hometown.
You studied gender studies right? Do you think the school helped you explore more about who you are or who you want to be?
Yes, I really think that gender studies helped me understand myself and how the society and the world works. I have learned a lot about norms, structure and patriarchy.
I think the (cis) norms are a great burden. I always feel so devastated when I see trans people heading for things they think they should do.
I know, everything is so binary and the norms are effecting all of us, holding us back, make us do things we maybe don’t need to do or want to do.
You live in Stockholm now. When did you move there?
I moved to Stockholm a year ago. It was after we shot the film Something Must Break and after the premiere. Actually I moved to Stockholm only for my career. Everything is in Stockholm.
After you won the Guldbaggen award you became very visible in media. You are an ambassador of two NGOs, you write a blog for Swedish TV. Your life must have changed a lot.
Yes, it did. It’s crazy. I work a lot these days and don’t have much free time. I blog, I do lot of photoshoots and interviews and meet lot of new people…
How do you think of your future? What are your plans?
I love that I have this chance to do all this different kinds of stuff, I love to create and I love to work on myself and develop all kinds of creative skills. I want to write more, I’m working on some books now. Writing has always been very close to my heart. It works as a therapy for me. But I don’t want to limit myself. I want to experiment with my creativity and try new things.
You have the chance to choose what you wanna focus on. I think you do great things. You are a role model in Swedish context so you have the voice you can use.
I use all my platforms to bring forward other voices too. Visibility of diversity is important. I’m so happy and honnored that other people are strengthened by what I do. I often say that I can’t be a spokesperson for transgender people because we are all so different. We need more voices, we complement each other.
Where do you get the energy? What keeps you going?
I lost my grandmother a few years ago. She was my best friend and she supported me in everything. We laughed together, cried together and helped each other. She was my hero. Before she died, she tought me something. She said that life is too short to walk around being afraid all the time. That no one should prevent you from being who you are. No one should push you down or hold you back. Live your dreams and be yourself she said to me. I do that now. I live, I live my dreams. I’m not afraid anymore. I refuse to apologize for my existence.
Please visit ok, sister and Saga Becker’s instagram for additional information.
